he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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