Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
