Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
