im six kinds of drunk right now
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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