recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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