You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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