He uses pillows to masturbate.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
