Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
