Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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