I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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