He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
