I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
