My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
