There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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