apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
