Need sex. Gaining weight.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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