Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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