it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
