When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
