Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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