By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
