so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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