I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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