come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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