so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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