so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
