Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
