; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
