D3 body, D1 cock
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize