Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
