Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
