youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
