im about as happy as oj after his trial
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
