sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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