THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
