shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
