I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
