Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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