I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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