I never want to see another naked old woman again.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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