I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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