Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
