He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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