i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
