Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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