Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
