..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
