Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
