recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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