Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
