remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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