Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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