Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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