Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
