There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
