blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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