3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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