So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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