So drunk its hurt
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
