I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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