i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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