the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize