I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
