i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
