No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
