I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
