I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
